Wake up now, she
said, stroking my hair, you need to wake
up now. She sat next to me, her golden hair glistening in the sunlight.
There was a small smile on her face as she watched me watch her. We had spoken
till 5 a.m. and I didn't want to stop. It felt like letting her go but she put
me to bed and whispered in my ears, I'll
be here when you wake up. And she was. I had closed my eyes, feeling her cold
fingers trace my hairline. With every stroke, I found myself falling in love
all over again– falling asleep all over again.
The windows had been thrown open and a warm summer breeze
wafted in. I felt a chill pass through my spine – it was an unnerving feeling
but I didn't care. She was sitting next to me and through my heavy eyes, I
perceived a translucency about her. It was unreal and magical and I didn't want
the moment to end.
It was as though she had heard my thoughts. She laughed and
said, This will last forever, my love.
Don't you worry – you're not going to lose me. I smiled back at her and
felt a wave of calmness flow over me. It was perfect. Until…
The doorbell rang shrilly and I was jolted back to an uneasy
reality. She was still sitting next to me but it seemed as though a great
sadness had descended upon her. Her smile was forced and lifeless and her
golden locks seemed to dull. I gave her a reassuring smile but she didn't seem
to notice. The doorbell rang again.
I made my way to the door and I felt a lot more aware of the
house I was living in. The peeling wallpaper, the intermittent creaking and the
pervading stench of alcohol had set in and the house itself had taken on a more
rotten quality. Where has our magical
escape gone? I wondered as I reached for the doorknob. Ray was standing on
the porch, smoking a cigarette – his third going by the number of cigarette
butts on the floor.
“Where have you been? I've been calling you all day and I've been standing out here for close to fifteen minutes!” he cried out, stubbing
the last cigarette against the railing. “ I've been busy,” I said, brushing my
hair back with my hand, “it's just a bad time now.” “Look,” he said, sympathy
in his voice, “I understand that you're upset. After what you've been through,
it's natural to hurt… but you have got to move on. You can't board yourself up
in your house and expect her to come back to you. She's gone…” “She hasn't gone
anywhere,” My voice sounded unnaturally shaky, “she's right here with me. And
I'm not leaving her.” Ray sighed. “God, man! Don't you see what you've become? You have got to get
out of this house. It isn't doing you any good.” I didn't reply. He sighed again and continued, “Hey, you know we're all there for you. We can help.
Just call us, alright?” He turned back reluctantly to his car.
As he walked away, I wished I hadn't opened the door. I
wished I hadn't spoken to him. But most of all, I wished I hadn't remembered.
It was the biggest accident that the small town had seen in a while. A truck
had gone off the road and rolled over two cars in the service lane. She was in
one of them, driving back home early, just to surprise me. I felt a crushing
pain in my chest, so excruciating that it forced me to my knees. It had been
months since I had cried like that. Not since she had started coming to see me.
I looked up at the landing and saw her standing there, radiant. The walls had brightened
up again and the stink seemed to have been washed away. She smiled, I told you that you wouldn't lose me again. I
stood up – the pain had vanished – and walked back into her arms. As I buried my face into her hair, I smiled. No more dark nights alone. No more waking up alone. Never alone again.
