Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A lazy day

Vacations never did me any good. Not that I'm complaining but they seem to bring about a very strong need to be lethargic. The kind of need that pulls you back into bed just when you decide to do something constructive - like write. Suffice to say, I thought I wouldn't be able to put a pen to paper for the next few weeks. I guess I forgot that I owned a computer.

And just like everyone else, we remember vacations according to something important that happened (like a trip) or a whole bunch of things that we kept doing on and on for two months. This summer will probably be defined by reruns of TV shows that I never thought that I would watch, Russell Peters, Faust and trying to give my cat her medication. Which is a highly dangerous job that makes me glad that my cat has had her shots. If the bit about Faust is scaring you a little, it might be reassuring to know that I have only gotten past the first few pages - with the help of a dictionary.

My cat makes me extremely jealous. She wakes up in the morning at around 6 and stretches in five different ways even though she probably had the most comfortable spot on the bed. She saunters towards her bowl of food and digs in. After some soul-searching at the litter tray, she has to make the toughest choice of the day - will she sit around and let herself be amused by her staff or will she just creep into her corner behind the television and sleep for the rest of the day? I don't have a choice - I wake up or I will get kicked out, I make the bed or get yelled at, I clean up my room or I will get yelled at a little more because I will be facing a crankier mother.


It's a strange feeling, sitting at the computer in the afternoon and listening to the soundtrack of Juno, knowing you have absolutely nothing to do but relax. I wonder when I'll feel this way again.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

The devil's hour

Waking up at three in the morning may not be my most favourite thing to do. Strangely enough, it holds its charms even for someone who feels that she is better off bewitched by a blanket of sleep. The darkness seems to have settled down, not willing to move for another hour or two at the least. The night air itself seems paralysed, too afraid to breathe and wake the sleeping trees. The world around you has come to a complete stop and in times of inner chaos, the silence is strangely comforting. Social norms and expectations disappear in the darkness. There is no one else but you. A feeling that frees you and inhibits you all at once. After what feels like an eternity, you realise that you have all the time in the world at your fingertips but the shackles of duty bind you to your dull blue textbook. After soaking in the silence for two hours, I find that my eyes feel heavy again. The powerful hand of sleep meets with little resistance as it lifts me off my bed, makes me turn the lights off and return - all in one smooth, automatic motion - to the comfort of my pillows. I close my eyes and within seconds, the world ceases to exist. There is no one anymore.

Monday, January 11, 2010

The Secret Life Of Daydreams

*This title was inspired by a piece of music from "Pride and Prejudice", the one that recently came out with Keira Knightley in the lead. It stuck to the back of my head and wouldn't let go till I started writing.*

Sitting alone on a plain wooden bench,
The clouds play lazily.
There is a breeze that brushes
Past the trees,
Through the leaves.
It suddenly hastens
An appointment suddenly remembered.
On its tail, a curious creature flutters
A beautiful one, no doubt
Her crystal wings glint in the sunlight
As she makes her way.
Where does she go?
I continued to wonder
Long after the dream had dissolved
Into the distance.
Does she go back home and go to bed
To ready herself for another busy day?
When she will find another person
Who will dream her dream?
Or will she go to a tea party
Where she will sit
And along with the other daydreams
Sharing experiences and gossip?
Or will she find a quiet corner?
A dark little nook?
Where she will sit and cry
Till her glow disappears
For no one has thought of her at all?
I turn to take my bag
And there she sits
Looking at me with a thoughtful gaze
I smile to myself.
The daydream she carried had been mine.
She picked herself up
And fluttered out of sight
Glinting brighter than ever
For a job well done.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Train rides and self-help books

The train ride to Bangalore was absolutely dismal. I found myself watching "You've Got Mail", after realizing that we had a good four hours to reach our destination. It came as a rude shock to me when the movie got cut halfway and jumped to Timbaland's video of "The Way I Are". As much as I like the song, the sudden jump from a rom-com to a music video with Timbaland's face staring back at you is not very digestible. People around me were either busy reading or making small talk with their neighbours. Children were running up and down the aisle wildly, screaming in excitement. Ah! If only I were that small and was able to understand what on earth they found so delightful so I could take part in it and atleast pass the time. As far as my neighbours (most of whom were my family) were concerned, the man in front of me was absorbed in a self-help book. It's title screamed out "You Can Win!" and the reader seemed absorbed. I almost felt like tapping his book and telling him that I had learned the hard way that no matter how many self-help books you read, you will never win that debate competition in front of the entire college. Or cook that delicious chocolate cake that looks flawless on the cover of a self-help book for cooking - that's all just Photoshop. Of course, he looked older and much larger than me so I decided against it. The men in the row across the aisle were discussing rises and falls in the stock market and how the highway system was not being worked on very well. In the midst of this intelligent discussion, one of them cracked a very lame, "punny" joke (as a friend would put it) and the two collapsed into fits of dignified laughter. I lost interest in them at exactly that moment. For the next three and a half hours, I watched the trees flit by, in a hurry to get nowhere and stopped the bread-and-omelette man every time he passed me in order to buy a plate. My sister did the same for the vegetable cutlet man. And some advice for those of you who wish to travel by train to a place that is ages away - make sure your movies do not get cut in the middle and do not book seats in the new, improved Lalbagh. All they do is give you a very bad back-ache.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Random

It's a few months after my last post. I can safely say that I have had writer's block and the only reason for that is that I haven't been depressed for the past few months. Good for my health, bad for my sanity... This is probably one of the few redeeming qualities I have and to think that my mood swings determine when I write well is a thought that completely puts me off. So much for becoming the next Goethe... or Poe... or anyone for that matter. However, staring at my blank notebook page without so much of a spark lighting up somewhere in my brain has taken its toll. I have an unused notebook, calling to me in desperation before the stench of mothballs consumes its innate scent and a blog that will probably cease to exist in the minds of the same people it had earlier delighted. "No!" I thought to myself, "I must not let this happen!! I have a responsibility towards this blog! This blog - " pointing to the computer screen, " - is nothing less than a human soul!"

And so I sat at my computer table, drumming away (not at the keyboard) wondering what I could possibly write that could interest the few but happy souls reading this. And I thought... And thought... And thought... By the end of an extremely disturbing movie, I still had nothing to go on. It is only at these turning points that you realize that there's a spot on the computer screen that you've forgotten to clean or that your left ear seems slightly larger than your right.. or not. So I figured that maybe one of my previous articles or poems could inspire me to write something new - or I could just put one of them here and tell you all, "Yes it is new! Why thank you! How nice of you to say so!" I'm evil and conniving but I just don't have the capacity to make decisions like this. Too many choices!!!!

If you're wondering, I did consult my previous articles and I realized that everything I had written about was myself. I know what's running through your head. You're probably thinking, "My! That self-centred girl! Doesn't she know that people are going through worse pain?" I thought that too. It's a very bad thought to hit you when you're right in the middle of an interesting article because then you begin to wonder, "Should I write about something else?" So I pondered over the question, which is an extremely overwhelming and exhausting task. I had to eat a few cookies to make it through. Should I write about something philosophical, like one of those blogs that you stumble upon, something that would make you question the very fibre of your being? Or something important, like a political decision or a natural calamity?

The flaws in both these ideas were probably the most obvious. Idea no. 1 had a very simple flaw - questioning the fibre of anyone's being tends to come back and bite me in the arse (I was going to say ass but this way it just sounds so much more prim and proper. If you look closely, you can see the smug grin on my face for being so smart.) Idea no. 2 has a very obvious flaw - My knowledge about political decisions falls somewhere in the negative side of the number line. The last time someone spoke to me about the N-deal, I spaced out and landed up in a different time zone altogether.

So that effectively ruled out the only two choices I had come up with. I also realized something else. Writing is not my only talent. Don't get too happy - I'm still depressed (If only depression were a superpower...) The next thing I'm good at is coming up with opinions that, if you look closely, coincides with common opinion BUT I'm one of the few who can write an entire article about it and then put it on a blog for a lucky few to see. And then feel like I've finally done something worthwhile. The things I do... So I'm back to square 1. I figure that writing my opinion is a fun thing for me to do but I'm not quite sure if it's a fun thing for others to read. So if anyone, anyone at all, comes up with an idea that you think that I could possibly put to use, please email me. or broadcast this message into space and see if someone replies. You never know - they might find this more interesting than the numerous speeches that have been sent out. They're not going to make contact if they keep falling asleep. As for the ones who don't have a topic in mind but would like to express themselves - you're welcome to comment. I shall take all - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Till a more depressing time...

Thursday, June 18, 2009

CHAPTER 10

As our first ECA (end of semester exam for those who are not in the know :D), we rapidly transformed into a bunch of disoriented maniacs, spewing random facts from our textbooks at completely irrelevant times. While Sanjana stepped with ease into her "I'm-studying-and-I-will-not-socialize" shoes, I realised that if I didn't keep in touch with anyone, I would probably end up failing every single exam.

Every morning, I would wake up at 9:30 a.m. and settle down at the dining table with the newspaper in my hands. At 10:00 a.m., I would sit in front of the television and watch Hindi songs (it was the only way to calm myself down). At 11:00 a.m., I would sit at my desk, religiously poring over my portions. After lunch, at around 3:00 p.m., I would pick up the phone and start calling everyone I knew. Here's a typical conversation between any two people whom I've mentioned in the last few chapters: -

A - Hey!
B - Hey!
A - So... how's the studying going?
B - Um.. Don't really know.. Nothing's going into my head.
A - Ah!
B - What about you?
A - Oh, the same, the same...
B - Hmmm... Hey! Did you watch yesterday's 9 'o' clock movie on Star movies?
A - I did!! It was hilarious!!
B - Especially that bit where they...

And so on and so forth...

And in the midst of all this madness, more whackiness came in the form of voice messages. For those of you who don't remember, the ad campaign featured Saif Ali Khan and Shahrukh Khan with the former practicing how to tell his love that he missed her, on the latter. A few days before my Developmental Psychology paper, I was sitting on the sofa and racking my head for a reason to start studying when I received a call from Aditi. I picked up the call and was about to say "Hey!" when with much aplomb, Aditi said, "I miss you so much it huuuurts!! Isn't this cool?" she continued before I could suspect a difference in her sexual orientation, "Send me some alright?" Before I could properly understand the situation, I found myself calling up random people and sending them even more random voice messages.

Finally, the day before the fateful exam, I felt a deep urge to bang my head against a wall and I finally decided that it was time to start studying. After cramming in as much as I could, I set off confidently for my exam only to be handed a paper that looked like it was written in a different language. I felt like I was a part of one of those movies where the protagonist gets back from an awesome party and then realises that he knows nothing in the paper, the only difference here was that there was no 'awesome party' and this was stuff that I vaguely remembered reading the previous night.

After the longest and most awful three hours of my entire life, I walked out looking like my dog had died only to find the same expression on everyone else's face. "I'm not the only one?" I asked, some relief flooding my heart. It's very disturbing to find yourself amongst people who have done extraordinarily well when you haven't and I was glad that this wasn't one of them. "No," said Kalyani in a mournful voice, "This was the worst exam I've ever written. I actually started crying in the exam - I kid you not." "It wasn't that bad," said Zaara, with a very far-away look on her face, "just very general. You can write quite a bit though." I sighed - so much for support. Hoping to turn to a slightly more interesting topic, I asked, "So after the exams get over, when does college re-open?" "In three days." said Kalyani. "Dang nabbit! There goes my recovery period." Sanjana looked rather annoyed. "I think I'm going to need a lot of cold coffee to drown my sorrows in..." I trailed off. "Rhea," said Tia, with laughter in her voice, "you're going to need a lot more than one!"

Monday, June 1, 2009

CHAPTER 9

"Rhea, please stop yawning! It's not helping any of us!" said Sanjana in a very tired voice. "I'm sorry but getting up at 5:45 a.m. just so that I can reach the beach, of all the places, by 7:30 a.m. is just not my thing!" I said just a few seconds before I yawned again. At 7 a.m., I found myself standing on the beach trying desperately to stay awake. It should have been an easy task, considering the fact that it was a terribly hot morning. Sanjana had settled down on the pavement, her legs crossed while Nika stared out groggily at the blue expanse of sea ahead.

"I can't take this anymore!" said Tia as she pulled herself up. "I'm going for a walk. Does anyone want to join me?" "Oh yes!" said Sanjana, jumping up, albeit still quite disoriented. She tottered for a moment or two and then regained her balance. The two of them slowly made their way towards the water.

Nika and I stared at their retreating figures. "How long are we supposed to stay here again?" I asked. Nika, her palm on her cheek, turned to em awkwardly and said, "About 3 or 4 hours?" I sighed as I tried to push my hair out of my face. "You know," said Nika, "this would actually be romantic if either you were a guy or I was a guy.." I turned to her, a skeptical look on my face and said, "How nice of you to make this a lot more awkward for the both of us now! No really..."

Nika grinned her usual way and turned to look at the sea. I followed suit only to see Tia and Sanjana msking their way back towards us. "You know what happened?" asked Sanjana, her trademark grin in place. "What happened?" asked a visibly excited Nika. It was just very like her - mundane things and celebrity gossip make her look like she's had a few shots of vodka.
"Well, we reached the water and we were talking and suddenly," she went on, " these two girls from evening college (I think..) with cameras ask us to pose for their photos!" "Oh well, that's nice!" I said. "But that's not the entire story!" said Tia, her eyes gleaming, "So these girls ask us to face the water and - get this - hold hands!" "So Tia and I are standing there and giggling away to glory," continued Sanjana, "while these two are standing behind us, clicking and laughing their heads off as well!" "We looked so gay!" said Tia, putting her hands to her head, "People must have thought we were a gay couple or something!" "Oh thank God! Zaara's coming! I don't think I could have taken any more of this!" I grinned at their indignant faces.

"Well, fine, Rhea! Atleast we're interesting people with interesting stories to tell, right Sanjana?" Sanjana nodded fervently in reply. "Hey, what about me?" asked Nika, "I didn't scoff at you guys..." "Oh yeah! And Nika too!" said Tia, with mock anger. "Hey!" said Zaara as she reached us. "Guess what?" said Tia in her 'happy' voice, "Two girls made us pose for their photos and made us look like a gay couple!" "Uh-huh?" said Zaara, confusion evident on her face, "I'm so proud of the two of you?" "Bah!" said Sanjana, "another disbeliever! I'm hurt!" "Yeah Zaara! How could you do that?" asked Nika, her head bobbing furiously, "that's equal to saying that you don't support the gay community!"

"Well in that case," said Zaara, "I'm so proud of you! You finally came out of the closet! Better, Nika?" "Yeah, whatever man! I'm bored now.." Nika smiled again. "Hey look they're handing out posters!" I said, as a group of girls started handing out rolls of chart in front of us. "Oh, we're finally starting!" said Tia, as she tried pinning on a red ribbon that she had been handed. Zaara sighed and said, "On the bright side, we'll back home two hours from now."

***********************

10:30 a.m. - We found ourselves still standing on the beach, sad faces in a row. We were holding up a poster each, dismally staring into the distance. At about 9, just as was expected, a rather strong downpour of rain hit us and we crouched under our umbrellas, which didn't really help us much. A few moments after the rain stopped, truckloads of men wearing yellow shirts started arriving at the beach to listen to some politician's rant. It was almost ironic considering that we were fighting against sexual harrassment after it started taking place right there. "So this is the thanks we get for fighting against sexual harrassment? A bunch of lecherous dodos ogling at us? That's too ironic for anyone's standards!" said Sanjana, her jaw looking a lot sharper than usual. "Well, it's over, man! Let's just go home now - I'm exhausted!" said Nika. Tia nodded in agreement and we made our way to the refreshment stands to find Cara.