The Perils of a Psychology Postgraduate (or will be in two years!)

I find myself dreading conversations with new people because I know that they will definitely ask me the inevitable, "So what do you do?" And as much as I would love to say, "I para-glide and juggle in the mornings and at night, I fight crime alongside Underdog", I answer with the more boring, normal, "I'm doing my postgraduation right now". And then it begins - they ask you what you are attempting to specialize in and the moment you say psychology, they pounce on you. I cannot recall a single conversation continuing along this line during which people did not make any stupid comments.

For example, we have the classic "So you're a mind reader huh?" No I'm not a fortune-teller, you brainless chihuahua, what I study is an actual science! And when I do tell them that (in a socially appropriate manner, of course) the next question is about why I did not choose the usual courses. Of course, what they're thinking is Did she not get into any good engineering/medical college? So, to hear me say that I did so out of my own choice is a little staggering and harder for the more conservative ones to digest. At this point, they usually decide that this conversation must end and walk off to find more exciting victims who are, like other normal people, doing a EEE course in a well-reputed yet unheard-of college.

The next one that is probably the more annoying of the lot is the "OK, go on read my mind.. Tell me what I'm thinking about." All this with an eager look on their faces. Knowing that at some level I am being screwed with, I wonder which response to use. Some of the more popular ones are: -

1) "You'll have to pay me first! I charge 500 for each mind-reading." "Rupees?" "No, dollars."

2) Stand with a constipated look on your face for a while before bursting into peals of laughter, saying "Yeah, I think I'm going to go tell her that!" and then walk towards their wives, all the while mumbling to yourself, "Yes that was a brilliant joke! So true!" This works especially well at weddings when you know that his wife is surrounded by a bunch of giggling, gossip-mongering middle-aged women.

3) "OK you really need to get an MRI done. That tumour is really getting in the way of my mind-reading skills."

4) "Uh.. I can't hear a thing. But that's probably because you lack a brain. Don't worry too much though. Most people live through their entire lives, never noticing that they're dunces."

5) "Ecology is unarguably the need of the hour with urgent attention to be diverted towards the more ignored areas of preservation and reforestation." (turn and walk away)

I hope this article finds its way to the more illiterate crowd that prides itself on asking and tormenting psychology students with, what they believe to be, the wittiest one-liners that the world has ever seen. Let us be. Or we will mess with you when you come to us for therapy.